Pre-marital Relationships

Beautiful advice on pre-marital relationships from Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan

Question:

If a girl and a boy are affected to each other in young age what are they supposed to do? And also what if they want to married but are scared to talk to their parents what’s the best thing to do?

Answer:

Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

Thank you for your question. This is an online question and since I don’t know you or her or your families personally, I will speak generally. 

If you’re a Muslim guy and you’re emotionally involved with a girl that you are talking to, texting, skyping, hanging out, or worse with, then listen up. You need to know that this is all wrong. 

The most important treasure a Muslim has is his or her honour. Allah honoured us since our birth. ولقد كرمنا بني آدم “We honoured the children of Adam” He says in the Qur’an. 

Marriage is the relationship that honours both husband and wife. Any romantic involvement outside of that violates than honour. Would you be ok if your sister was just texting some boy who she likes? The girl you are ‘involved’ with is someone’s sister, someone’s daughter. They have dreams of marrying her off in a dignified way one day. If you are too scared to be a man and take the honourable road of approaching her family (many are so scared they can’t even approach their own family), then realize that you aren’t emotionally ready for a real, loving, relationship. All you really have are very strong urges that are selfish at best. 

A real marriage brings two families together. A real marriage is about taking responsibility. Your feelings may be very strong. I don’t doubt it. Islam didn’t make it Haram for you to fall in love. It didn’t forbid you from wanting someone. It only guides that love so it protects you, her, your families and especially saves you from humiliation on judgment day. If you love her so much, why are you ok with letting her engage in this questionable relationship knowing full well that she will have to answer Allah just like you will. You don’t love her enough to save her from that? If any of you out there are ‘in love’, please note that teenage years are a crazy time. You totally believe you can’t live without someone and you get over them and move on to the next thing in no time as though nothing happened. Don’t let your strong emotions lead you into a mistake that will ruin two lives and two families. 

The right thing to do, I think (and it’s just my opinion), is to cut off communications entirely until you are ready to talk to your family and hers. Otherwise you are playing with someone’s emotions and creating a stressful situation that will hurt you and her in ways that can scar you for the rest of your lives. 

And Allah knows best. 

Answered by Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan

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